Which Bridge to Cross, Which Bridge to Burn
by Moluvsnumber17
Summary: She was finally cookies…ready to be enjoyed…until a surprise makes her reconsider everything…will she choose her true love?...or her new one?...BA and BS...
1. True Love

**Description- She was finally cookies…ready to be enjoyed…until a surprise makes her reconsider everything…will she choose her true love?...or her new one?...**

Timeline- Set in season 5 of Angel.

Disclaimer- Well, I would own them all but I don't........oh and Vince Gill owns the song _**Which Bridge to Cross Which Bridge to Burn…**_****

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**True Love**

"_I've got two loves in my life now. A true love and one that's brand new. And I'm not really sure that I know how to love one and tell one we're through."_

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Buffy Summers stared out the window of the bus, watching the trees pass by. Only a few hours and she would be in L.A. And then what? She would go to Angel's and they would talk. About what? She didn't know. That was as far as her brain would let her go on the subject. No need to think of anything else, like the fact she was cookies. Or, at least she thought she was. It had been close to a year since the last time she had seen him. And in this time she had had relationships with two other men. Both normal…and human….and boring. But that was what she had been looking for. Normal. She had had this whole extravagant plan.

The plan had been to move as far away from California as she could get, meet a handsome breathing male, fall madly in love, and never have to worry about the end of the world again. So far she hadn't successfully done any of these things. Yes, she had moved to Rome for a time, but she was now headed back to the dreadful state in which she had spent her entire adolescent life, and with the intention of finding her ex-vampire boyfriend and telling him she had realized they were indeed meant to be. Not to mention the fact that another reason she had decided to come now was that Giles had called and told her there was something apocalypsey brewing in LA.

So here she was; riding on a bus with her sister on her way to Wolfram and Hart. Buffy hadn't been happy when she had discovered that he was running the place. It was an evil law firm after all. But she convinced herself that he was doing it for a good reason. Andrew had returned from his little venture to retrieve the crazy slayer the week before and had reported that everything was fine. She had been reluctant to believe him and suspected that he was keeping something from her, but hadn't had much time to talk to him.

She had decided to venture back to California two days ago when her relationship with Jacque had ended. She had realized in that moment that there would only ever be one person whom she would feel right with. And so, with Dawn in tow, she had hopped the next plane she could get, which happened to land them in San Diego, determined to reunite herself with her soul mate. She had been filled with excitement that she was finally cookies. Ready to be eat….enjoyed. And now, as they neared the city of angels she began to have another feeling. A strange feeling of uneasiness. She wondered briefly what it could mean, but was pulled out her thoughts by the driver.

"We're making a pit stop for those of you who have to use the restroom."

Buffy nudged her sister who was currently sleeping on her shoulder. "Dawn. Dawn."

The younger girl opened her eyes and rubbed them sleepily. "Huh?"

"We're stopping."

"Are we there?"

"No, we're uhh…" she looked out her window. "Well, I'm not sure exactly. Still an hour or so outside of LA, I'd say. We're just making a bathroom stop."

She nodded, thankful for that. She had been quite perturbed to discover the toilet on the bus was currently under repair, especially since they would be on it for a while.

"I'm gonna go," Dawn told her sister.

"K."

Dawn followed a few of the other passengers off of the bus. The line for the bathroom was long, but only took a few minutes. After she was finished, Dawn looked around the convenience store. If they still had an hour before reaching their destination, snakes would be a good plan. She decided on a pack of Skittles and a Coke and then headed back to the bus.

After every passenger had returned, the driver called out that they were rolling out and they would be in LA in approximately 90 minutes. The Summers women sat back in their seats and prepared for the ride, which would land them in LA right around sundown.

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Buffy was surprised that the driver had been so accurate about the time. It had been around 7 when they had left the gas station and it was now 8:27.

"And with only three minutes to spare, we're here!" Dawn exclaimed as the bus pulled over to its stop. The passengers gathered up their things and proceeded to the exit. Once Buffy and Dawn had gotten all of their bags they had headed straight for the curb with the intention of catching a cab. And they were rewarded when one pulled over.

"Where to ladies?"

"Any vacant motel please," Buffy said as she closed the door. In her rush to leave she had completely forgotten about where they would stay while they were here.

The man laughed. "You got it sweetheart."

Dawn pulled out the map she had grabbed from a stand beside the bus stop. "Oo look, Buffy, they have malls," she said with excitement. "After you take care of all your crazy vampire drama, we should totally go."

That earned her an elbow in the side.

"Oww." She rubbed her side. "I'm just saying. You fly half way across the world, and then take a 6 hour bus ride, to see a guy, who may or may not be evil. You tell me if that doesn't sound crazy."

Buffy had to admit, that did sound a little crazy. And she had done it all in a moments notice.

"And I'm missing school for this. My education is being put in jeopardy."

"Yes, I'm sure that missing school is just so tough on you."

"Oh well," she smiled, "I guess I'll just have to get that cutie Ramon to catch me up when we get back."

Buffy gave her a more motherly than sisterly look.

"Maybe he could even teach me how to say 'yes please' in Italian."

"There will be no speaking Italian," Buffy said quickly, which made Dawn laugh.

"Oh, just because you don't know the language doesn't mean I shouldn't."

"I know the language."

"How do you say 'Yes, I speak Italian'?"

"Okay shut up."

Dawn giggled again and Buffy stared out the window, that uneasy feeling resurfacing. She was about to say something when the cab driver spoke.

"Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but how's this?" he asked referring to the small motel up ahead.

"Looks good to me," Dawn replied. "What do you think, Buffy?"

The slayer glanced at the building that looked to be about two centuries old. "Well, I guess you can't judge a book by its cover."

"It's a really nice place," the driver said. "May not look like much, but I've had many a customer tell me they enjoyed their stay. I've been in there myself, it's…comfy."

A brief memory flashed in Buffy's head, but was quickly dismissed.

"Well, then, let's check it out."

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The driver had been right, it was a nice place. And not too expensive either. There had been an old woman working behind the front desk. The kind of woman that one knew worked hard and yet still made time for the important things in life. She had given them the nicest room, she had said.

They carried their bags around the side of the building, Dawn leading and calling out the room numbers as they approached them. "26…25…24…23…22…21…20…19…18…" She stopped then. "Here we are. Room 17." She inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

The room was small, but still had a cozy look to it. The curtains and bedspreads were decorated with floral patterns and the carpet was a grayish/blue color. In one corner there was a floor lamp, and in between the beds there was a smaller one placed on a wooden table. There was a room off to one side that Buffy assumed was the bathroom. A TV sat on a set of drawers about 2 feet from the end of the beds.

Buffy threw her bags down and plopped down on the nearest bed.

"And what makes you think that I don't want the bed next to the window?"

Buffy simply gave her sister a look that said 'your shit out of luck'. She smiled and walked over to the other bed and laid down on it.

"So when are we going to the law firm of evilness?"

Buffy closed her eyes. "I don't know. Tomorrow maybe. Or Tuesday. Or possibly next week." She put her hands to her forehead and sighed.

Dawn looked over at her sister. "Oh no. We did not come all the way out here to wait a week or two for you to decide this was a mistake."

Buffy's hands dropped from her face and fell to her side. "This was not a mistake. I know this is where I should be. I just…I need some time to decide what to say."

"Didn't have enough time on the 30 hour trip here?"

That earned her a look.

"I think we should go first thing tomorrow morning."

Buffy looked at the ceiling.

"I don't know. What if he's busy?"

Dawn sat up on the bed. "What if he's the head of a law firm?"

Buffy gave her a strange look.

"Of course he's probably busy but, Buffy, it's you. He'll probably shut down the whole damn building." She stood up and grabbed her small bag.

"Dawn!"

She laughed as she walked into the bathroom. "It's not like it's that big a deal. I mean it's not like he's gonna be that thrilled to see me. Especially after Andrew told him we didn't trust him."

"Which we don't."

"It's not him that I don't trust, it's that place. I know he has good intentions." She sat up on the bed.

"Better not be too good. Wouldn't want him to lose his soul or anything."

Even though she was in another room Dawn could feel the evil eyes her sister was giving her. She smiled to herself.

"Funny. But lest you forget my dear sister," Buffy stepped into the bathroom door, "I am the only one who has ever caused that to happen." She had a satisfied smile on her face.

Dawn looked back at her with her toothbrush in hand. "Yeah. That's kinda the problem isn't it?"

Buffy's look of satisfaction turned to one of disappointment.

"Look, I'm not saying this won't work out. If it's meant to be, it will. All I'm saying is you need to be careful and don't do something your going to regret. Like go and confess your undying love. I'm not saying he doesn't have the same feelings for you but…he is still dead Buffy."

She slumped against the door. "I know. I just keep thinking that if I pretend he's not then everything will be alright. And…you know I don't get him anyway. I mean he leaves because he can't give me what I need and then suddenly he's all like, 'I'm not getting any older' so be with me. I mean, nothings changed since then. Except I've gotten a little older…and slightly more experienced. What, did he just wanna wait till I grew up?"

"Do you wish he'd never left? I mean I know you've been through some tough shi…" Dawn caught herself, "stuff…but, would you take it back?"

Buffy looked away for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I can't help but think that things would have been a lot easier if he hadn't of left."

"Do you really believe that?"

Buffy looked at her serious expression but couldn't respond. In the back of her mind she knew it wasn't true. She knew it would have been just as hard if he had of stayed. Maybe harder.

"Well…just…be sure this is what you want."

"Coming from the girl who insists we go first thing tomorrow," Buffy said giving her sister a look.

"The more you think about it, the less sure you're going to become about it. So just…trust your instincts."

"How do you think we got here? By me thinking about it?"

"Okay. Point." She turned back to the sink and turned on the water.

Buffy nodded and pushed herself off the wall and turned to leave her sister to her teeth.

"What is your heart telling you to do?"

Buffy stopped and looked back at Dawn. She was silent for a brief moment before answering.

"To go to Wolfram and Hart tomorrow."

Dawn nodded. "Then you better get some sleep. You're going to need it.

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**A/N- Review!**


	2. An Imbalance

**Disclaimer- See first chapter…******

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**An Imbalance**

Morning came all too soon for Buffy. Dreams of what might happen had plagued her all night long. In one she would go in and Angel would sweep her off of her feet and then in the next he would tell her how sorry he was and that he would always love her, but he had moved on. That was one of the things she was most afraid of. It had been months since she had last seen or talked to him. He could have easily found someone new by now. He was, after all, an attractive guy, and he did help the helpless. Maybe one of those helpless was the woman of his dreams. Although, it had been four years when she'd last seen him and he still seemed to be thinking only of her.

But that could change. People do change. That's one thing that she had learned over the years. But Angel didn't change. Angel never changed. He was still the same tall, dark, and brooding vampire she'd met 7 years ago. Wasn't he?

This was precisely the reason she couldn't sleep. And the reason that she threw her pillow at Dawn's face when she started shaking her shoulder.

"Buffy. Get your ass up. It's already 11:30. When I said morning, I meant it."

Her reply was a grunting sound. Dawn made a face and then grabbed the sheets that Buffy had pulled over her head and yanked them into the floor. Buffy then proceeded to curl into the fetal position.

"Buffy," Dawn wined. "Get up."

"I don't wanna. I'm too tired."

"Tired my ass."

Buffy then felt her body be pulled into the floor.

"Oww…" she complained while sitting up. "Bitch."

Dawn smiled with satisfaction. "Got you up didn't I?"

"That you did." Buffy stood up and sat down on her bed rubbing her eyes with her hands.

"So?" Dawn sat beside her sister.

"So……what?"

"When are we leaving?"

"I don't know, Dawn. Sometime." Buffy's voice sounded frustrated.

That uneasiness had reappeared and her brain was still throwing pictures from her dream at her. She had begun to reconsider the whole thing. Maybe this was a bad idea. Just one of those things that one wants to do, but never does because it's stupid. And yet here she was. She had flown all the way from Rome with every intention of moving back here, and now, only hours after she had arrived, all she wanted to do was go back home and forget the whole thing.

She hadn't been lying; however, when she had told Dawn that her heart had led her here. It had. That was one of the reasons she hadn't questioned her actions earlier. She had been determined to follow her heart fully and not listen to her brain that might be telling her she was making a mistake.

"I'm going to get some breakfast." Dawn got up and walked towards the door.

"You can't go out there alone."

"I'm a big girl, Buffy. Besides, I'm just walking next door to the Waffle House."

"Oh. Well, then…just don't talk to strangers."

"O—kay. Would you like anything?" she asked amused.

"Sure. Umm…get me whatever you're having."

"Can do."

After her sister left, Buffy stood from the bed and went into the bathroom. She stripped down and got into the shower. She closed her eyes and stood there a moment letting the water run over her body. She was trying to clear her mind and not listen to the doubts that it seemed to be shouting at her. _THIS_ was the plan. And she was sticking to it. And nothing would stop her.

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"We have a problem."

"I'm sorry, Gregory, did you say something?" The old woman asked, not bothering to look at the little man standing behind her.

"Yes. Yes mam. I uhh…we have a…uh…little problem."

She turned quickly, her silver hair flying over her shoulder. "So why are you talking to me instead of fixing it?"

He backed up, becoming a little nervous. "We we're wondering…"

She stepped forward backing him into the wall.

"…what you…uhh…wanted us to do."

The woman's eyes flashed red for a moment before returning to blue and she stepped back and smiled. She loved the way she was able to intimidate these moron henchmen of hers.

"What exactly is this 'problem'?" she asked walking over to her mirror.

"Well, you see…there seems to be an…imbalance."

"An imbalance? What kind of imbalance?"

"One between umm…good and evil." The last part was a bit squeaky.

She turned around and looked back at him. "Whatever do you mean?"

"We we're trying to open up a portal so we could go after the demon that escaped into that other dimension yesterday. But right as it was starting and Ulessis was going into it, the portal closed and he got chopped in half." He made a face.

"So if I understand you correctly, you think there is an imbalance between good and evil because the lot of you is incompetent and cannot even perform a simple spell."

"Well umm…that's not why we think that. We have heard from demons and witches alike that everyone has been having trouble with big mojo spells. Anything that takes calling on powers on a higher level has been on and off for close to two years now. No one really said much before; they all just thought they were having a bad day. But it has gotten worse and it is feared that it will only go down hill from here. Good magic on the other hand has seen no problems and has gotten stronger even."

The old lady nodded for him to continue.

"So about thirty minutes ago, Amora got a visitor from the coven. She says that someone needs to fix this problem, and she wants it to be us."

"Why?"

"Not sure. I guess since were one of the only neutral forces out there. I think we're the most trusted."

"I see." She walked over to her desk and pulled out a book. "So do you know where this _imbalance _is?"

"Yes. It's in…"

"So why are you still here?"

The man nodded at his 'masters' approval and exited the room where another man was waiting on him.

"What did she say?"

"Get the team together. We're going to LA."

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"Here we are."

"Yep. Here we are."

The two Summers women stood outside of the ginormous building that was Wolfram and Hart.

"We can go in now. Since we're here and all," Dawn said as her sister continued to stand in one spot.

"Yeah, of course. Go in. Cause that would be why we're here. To go in."

Dawn shook her head and ushered her sister through the doors. "Wow this place looks even bigger from the inside. Looks like Angel's doing pretty well for himself, huh?'

"Looks like."

They walked over to the front desk.

"Hi," Buffy said, "we're looking for Angel."

The woman looked up at her. "Mr. Angel's office is on the third floor."

"Thank you."

They then proceeded to the elevator and pushed the _up_ button.

"This is cool. I mean, I know its kinda evil and all, but it has style."

Buffy nodded as they got into the elevator. She pushed the three and the doors started to close.

"Evil things usually do."

When the elevator came to a stop on the third floor the girls got off and walked to the only desk in sight.

"Hi, we're looking for…Harmony?" Buffy's look of surprise was also shared by the vampire, who stood up and backed away.

"Buffy? What…what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I work here."

"You? Work here?"

The blonde nodded still looking uncomfortable at the slayers presence. "Yeah. I'm Angel's secretary."

"He hired you?" Buffy could not believe what she was hearing. First he took over and evil law firm and now he was hiring vampires like Harmony to work there. Maybe he had changed.

"Yeah. I'm not evil anymore. Well, I am, but I don't drink human blood anymore. We're not allowed to. I did this one time, but that was because someone was trying to frame me."

Buffy shook her head. She would deal with this later. Right now she just needed to talk to Angel.

"Is Angel here?"

"Umm…yeah…he's in his office."

"And that would be where?"

Harmony raised her hand and pointed at a door.

"Thanks." Buffy turned and started walking towards the door.

The younger girl made a nasty face at the vampire before following after her sister. Buffy's hand was on the doorknob, ready and prepared to turn it when a voice from behind her made her freeze.

"Bloody hell woman. I've already told you, I don't know how you g…" he stopped dead in his tracks.

The girl behind him bumped into his back. "Hey! How about a warning when you're gonna just stop."

When he didn't respond she looked around him at two young women who looked exceptionally shocked. She looked up at his face, which was equally as shocked. Her eyes returned to the women who seemed to be frozen in place.

The door behind Buffy opened and Angel had to catch himself to keep from running into her.

"Woah….hey wha….Buffy?"

She turned and looked at him briefly before looking back at Spike.

This was defiantly not part of the plan.

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(A/N- I am fairly certain that there aren't any Waffle Houses in CA, which is a shame, so there's one in my story)


	3. A Rift in the Plan

**Disclaimer- See first chapter…****  
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**A Rift in the Plan**

"Spike?" The words seemed barely audible.

The young girl glanced back and forth between Spike, Angel, and the two women. Besides the one word the blonde woman had uttered, none of them had said anything.

"Uhh sir?" she looked at Spike, who didn't seem to have heard her. "Sir?"

He shook his head and looked down at her. "Umm…What?"

"What would you like me to do about…" she broke off not sure if he wanted her to say it out loud.

"Oh. Hold onto it. I'll take care of it later."

"But aren't you supposed to have it ready tonight?"

"Later." The tone of his voice was a bit rough and she knew not to question him.

"Yes sir." Not really knowing what else to do, and not wanting to get in the middle of this situation, whatever it was, she turned and headed back to the room that he now called his office. The room that he had kicked Carlton out of last week after Angel refused to give him his own office, even after he had gotten his hands chopped off.

When Spike turned to talk to his "secretary", Angel decided to get Buffy's attention.

"Hey. This is a surprise." He wondered if he should hug her or not. It had been a while since they had seen each other.

The slayer looked at him skeptically. "What's going on here?"

She didn't look very happy so he decided against the hug and tried to play dumb.

"What do you mean?"

She raised her eyebrows and cast a brief look over her shoulder.

"Oh that."

"Yeah."

"Well…"

Before he got the chance to explain, Janice, Spike's secretary, whom he had taken it upon himself to hire, left and Spike walked over to where Angel, Buffy, and Dawn were standing. Dawn was the first to speak.

"Spike? Is it really you?" She was eyeing him rather suspiciously.

"Yeah, Nibblet, it's me."

She still didn't look convinced. He turned his attention to the slayer. She was looking at him in a similar fashion.

"Buffy."

"Spike."

Angel was looking back and forth between the pair nervously. He had known that this was going to happen. He had told Spike that he wouldn't be able to keep something like this from her. And he knew she would probably be none to happy to discover that they had both been deceiving her.

Neither Buffy nor Spike seemed to know what to say. Spike wasn't sure whether he should apologize for not telling her sooner or stand behind his decision and argue that he had made the right choice.

"So is somebody gonna tell me what the hell is going on?" The pair looked at Dawn who had her hands on her hips. "Buffy? Did you know about this?" she asked her sister.

"No." Her eyes had found there way back to Spike. "I didn't."

Spike looked guilty then. "I didn't want you to find out this way."

"And what way did you want me to find out?"

"Well…actually…"

"You weren't planning on telling me, were you?"

He looked down.

She shook her head. "I don't believe this." She paused a moment. "How long?" When he didn't answer she asked again with a little more strength to her voice. "How long?"

"A few months."

"Months? You've been back months, and you didn't tell me?"

"You don't understand. I…I couldn't…"

"Oh, you couldn't? Couldn't find time to pick up a phone and say 'hey, Buff…how've you been? I've been okay. By the way, I'm alive.'"

"Maybe we should move this into my office."

"What? Did you just not want to see me so much that you couldn't even let me know that you weren't dead?"

"Or not," Angel said after his statement seemed to be ignored by the pair.

"It's not that I didn't want to see you. I just, I couldn't."

"Why not?" she all but yelled at him.

"I don't know" he yelled back, "I don't know." The second part was said in a calmer voice.

They both remained silent for a moment.

"You know what? I can't do this right now." Buffy walked past him to leave.

"Buffy wait." Dawn gave Spike a disapproving look before running after her sister.

His gaze followed the girls until they were out of site. When he turned back around he found himself face to face with a not so happy Angel.

"Now look what you did."

"What I did? I didn't do anything."

"Exactly." Angel went into his office and slammed the door.

Spike stood there gritting his teeth in frustration. What the hell was he gonna do now?

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"I cannot believe him. The nerve. To come back from the dead and not tell you. Inconsiderate. That's what he is."

Dawn had been ranting ever since they had left the law firm. Buffy, on the other hand, had been silent. So many thoughts were running through her head. Spike was back. And had been for months. And yet she hadn't known. How could she not have known about this? Clearly Dawn had had no idea about it either. But someone must have known. It wasn't an everyday occurrence that a vampire saved the world, died, and then came back. Giles. There was a good chance that he knew. And an even better chance that if he knew he wouldn't tell her. He was in the anti-Spike club after all.

And Angel. He knew. Clearly he knew, because he didn't look at all surprised to see Spike. Though it was expected of him not to say anything about it to her. Why would he? He and Spike were enemies after all. Or were they? Spike had been in Angel's recently inhabited evil law firm. Maybe he was working there. But that was crazy. Spike would never work for Angel. Right? She didn't know anymore. Everything was spinning.

The plan had been simple enough. Come to LA, go to Angel, and get back together with him. Nowhere in that plan did it say 'run into Spike'. Fate sure had a funny way of messing with her. She closed her eyes and lay back on the bed.

Her mind went back to the uneasy feeling that she had had about his whole thing. Maybe Spike was what that feeling had been about. Maybe on some unconscious level she had known he was back. She really couldn't be sure. Right now she just wanted to forget this whole plan. Just pack up her things and go back to Rome. At least things weren't confusing there. But she knew that she could never do that. Not now. Things had gone to far now. She was gonna have to face this. But for now she would settle for just lying here.

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Spike slammed the door to his small apartment. How the hell had this happened? What was the slayer dong here anyway? He stomped over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of liquor. How could she just show up unexpected like that? Had Angel called her? Unlikely. He had looked surprised to see her. So if Angel hadn't called her, then what? There had to be a good reason for her visit. Maybe something evil was a foot. Yes evil. That had to be it. She wouldn't just come for no reason. Or maybe she would. Maybe there was nothing going on and she had just wanted to see Angel. That was also a possibility. One which made him angry. He turned the bottle up and was rewarded with a burning sensation in his throat. How could she do that to him?

He sighed. She hadn't done anything to him, and he had no right to think that. After all, she hadn't known he was alive. There was a brief moment when he had seen her that he wanted to think that she had come here because Andrew had spilled the beans about him being alive and she wanted to see him. That was quickly dismissed when Dawn had asked her if she knew and she said no. So whatever reason she had for being here, it wasn't him. He took another drink. He was gonna need it to help him figure out what the bloody hell he was going to do.

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	4. My Sorry For 2004

**Disclaimer- See first chapter…****  
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**My Sorry For 2004**

"I figured you of all people would be happy that she was mad at me."

Not thirty minutes after Spike had arrived at his place Angel had shown up wanting to talk about what happened.

"I didn't tell her to come here."

"Yeah, not too put off by it though, are you?"

Angel shook his head. He knew this was a bad idea. Trying to talk to Spike never ended well, but for some reason he had felt compelled to come down here. Actually, it had been Fred who'd convinced him to do so. She'd apparently overheard the whole thing and after Angel had went into his office she had come in to talk to him. She questioned him about the slayer. After hearing his opinion on the whole thing, which was that Spike was an idiot, she decided he should try and talk to the other vampire. After much disagreement he found himself making his way to Spike's apartment.

"Look, I didn't come here to argue with you."

"So what did you come for, Peaches? To counsel me?" Spike was sitting on his couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

"I just came to tell you that I think you should…go talk to Buffy."

Spike wasn't sure that he believed what he was hearing. He put his feet down and stood up. "_You_ want _me_ to talk to Buffy."

"As crazy as it sounds…yes."

Spike eyed him curiously. "Why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do." Angel actually sounded sincere.

"The Angel I know and loathe would have taken it upon himself to go talk to Buffy, making me look as bad as possible to her."

"Is that what you want me to do Spike? Because I will. I'll go right over there and tell her that I'm sorry for not telling her that you were alive. I'm sure she'll understand completely, and will thank me for being the bigger man and coming to talk to her. Then she'll fall into my arms and we'll live happily ever after."

Spike glared at him. Whereas he was sure it wouldn't happen exactly like that, because he was sure she would be mad at him for a while, it was possible that she would eventually decide that that was indeed what she wanted. And he'd be damned if he was going to let her end up with him.

"That's what I thought," Angel said when Spike didn't respond.

The younger vampire only turned and stalked to the kitchen. "And what exactly am I supposed to say to her? Gee, luv, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I really didn't die that day in the hell mouth."

"That's a start."

Spike sighed a set the glass he'd gotten out of the sink on the counter. "I doubt she'll even want to see me."

"Only one way to find out."

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Spike couldn't believe he had let himself get talked into this. There was a chance that he was walking into his death. The slayer had not looked too happy last time he had seen her. Not that he'd expected her to fall into his arms and say how much she missed him. But…maybe a part of him had wished that. Wished that things could just go back to the way they were before he…whatever the hell happened to him. But he knew that was impossible. Too much time had passed. And yet here he was, at her door, knowing that he had to say something, but not really knowing what. What could he possibly say to her? Instead of taking time to think about it and plan it out, which he figured would be pointless anyway, he knocked on the door.

---------------------------

"I'm hungry," Dawn stated. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really." The slayer was still lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.

"Are you sure?"

Dawn was worried about her sister. She knew that this whole thing was a big shock for her. After thinking Spike had died almost a year ago, and then finding out that he had been alive the whole time, she knew that it must be hard for her. She had come here to get back with Angel and had run into Spike, a man whom she had let go months ago. For a while after his "death" she seemed distracted a lot. She didn't mope or cry, but she wasn't herself. Every time she saw something that reminded her of him she would get quite for a while. Dawn had worried because she had never cried. She knew that the two of them had become close over the last few weeks they spent in Sunnydale and had expected her to be very sad after his death. Dawn became concerned that she was keeping all of her emotions inside and was worried that it would catch up to her eventually and then she would have a full breakdown. But she hadn't. And now she was doing it again. Just sitting there, not saying anything.

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm going to go get some dinner."

"Okay. Be careful."

The younger girl shook her head. "I will." She grabbed her purse and walked out the door, not noticing the vampire standing only mere feet away peeking around the corner.

Only minutes after Dawn left, Buffy heard a knock at the door. Her first thought was that her sister had forgotten something and didn't take her key.

"Dammit Dawn." She sat up and pushed herself up off of the bed. "I'm coming." She mumbled to herself as she approached the door. She opened it and started to speak, "forget your…" then she saw him, "…key…"

He had his hands in his pockets and looked nervous.

"Spike."

"Hey Buffy."

"What are you doing here?" she tried to sound as nonchalant as she could.

"I just…I wanted to talk to you."

She looked at him a moment, contemplating what he said. He wanted to talk. No doubt it would be about what had happened earlier. He probably wanted to explain himself. She stepped aside and motioned him in. He stepped past her and stood in the middle of the room. She closed the door and turned towards him, crossing her arms.

"So?"

"Right." He took an unneeded breath. "Well, I guess I owe you an explanation."

"Yeah."

"I uhh...I'm sorry. Which I know doesn't really mean anything these days, but…I…" he shook his head, frustrated at himself, "I don't know what to say. I'm not good at this."

"Good at what? Telling the truth."

"That's not fair."

"No. What's not fair is you being back all this time and not even so much as calling."

He started to say something, but she interrupted.

"How could you not tell me? After everything. How could you not tell me?" Her voice was low and had a hint of sadness in it.

"I wanted to. Believe me. The first thing I wanted to do when I came back was to come and find you. But then I realized that I couldn't do that. I couldn't let myself do that." He took a step closer to her. "I made it all the way across the country and I was about to get on this boat to take me to England when I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I was being selfish. I knew that you probably had this whole new life going for you and all I would do by coming back would be to ruin it. I wasn't going to do that again." There; he had said it. Everything he'd wanted to say, but didn't think that he would be able to.

She looked at him with sad eyes. "Spike, you never ruined my life. Yeah, sure, some things weren't so good, but lets' not forget all of the things that were."

"Kinda hard to remember all three of those good things."

She shook her head. "Spike." She approached him slowly. "You did so much for me. Even back when I didn't like you, when I treated you like shit, even then you stayed by my side and helped me when I needed it."

Spike didn't know what to say to her. All he could do was stand, looking at the ground. She reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Why are you always so damn stubborn?"

He stared at their hands, the hands that had caught on fire the last time they'd touched. He noticed her hand, like his, still had scars on it. It had surprised him when the scars had shown up, and surprised him even more when they hadn't gone away.

"Defense mechanism," he offered.

She smiled slightly.

They stood there in silence for a moment before she pulled her hand away and backed away from him. Feelings had started to resurface in her and she would definitely need time to think about this. Instead, she decided to try light conversation.

"So what have you been up to?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Not much. Crime fightin' and all that."

"With Angel?"

"Well, not really _with_ him. We don't work so well together."

"But you're working there? At Wolfram and Hart?"

"Not so much working as lounging about annoying the hell out of Peaches."

She shook her head and smiled slightly. That definitely sounded like a Spike thing to say; at least he seemingly hadn't changed much.

"But honestly, Slayer, I hate the 'business' world. I don't do the whole hero thing. That's Angel's bit. I really only stuck around cause I didn't have anyplace else to go."

She thought about saying 'you could have come to stay with me', but knew that that wouldn't help this situation. A part of her wondered what would have happened if he had come back to her. Would they be together now? Would she have ever been with Carlos or Joc? Would she have still decided that she wanted to be with Angel? She couldn't be sure. She was pulled out of her thoughts when he spoke.

"Buffy, luv, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What are you doing here? In LA I mean. And I'm guessing it has nothing to do with me since you seemed to be as shocked to see me as I was to see you."

"Yeah…" What could she say? She had come here to get back with Angel? She had a feeling he wouldn't take that too well. Though there was another reason she had come.

"Giles called and said there was something brewing here, and I thought I'd come check it out."

"And visit Angel."

"That too." She searched his face trying to figure out what he was thinking, but before she really had time he spoke again.

"So what's the trouble?"

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"Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yes I'm sure this time." Gregory was becoming more frustrated by the minute. Not only had Zarea sent him on this mission, she had sent him with a bunch of morons who couldn't even cast a simple transportation spell correctly. They had been popped all over the globe and he was beginning to get jet lag. Finally, it appeared they had reached their destination, now all they had to do was locate the problem and fix it.

The only problem was how they were going to do that. Amora had suggested a plan of action that seemed reasonable enough, though he had heard the people he was going to be dealing with weren't exactly the understanding type.

"Sir…sir…" a member of his team said out of breath as he ran up to him. "I just received some interesting information. It seems that we won't have to make that other trip after all."

"What do you mean?" he asked the man curiously.

"The slayer is already here in LA."

"_The_ slayer?"

"Yes, Ms. Summers I believe is her name."

"Yes." Gregory wasn't sure how to feel about this.

Yes, it meant they wouldn't have to make another trip, thank God, but he wasn't sure if her being here would make their job easier, or harder.

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End file.
